Tonight, I experienced being in a state of panic.

No, it's not the "oh, no, I have an exam in 5 minutes and I know nothing!" kind of panic. It's the mind-numbing, immobilizing, "I gotta move and I gotta move NOW!!!" kind of panic. And it caught me when I was calmly washing the dishes.

I got home from work feeling exhausted for some reason. I got changed, and was about to sit down for a few moments when my dad called me for dinner. So, sighing, we went to #29 to eat dinner, which I had no appetite for, no matter how yummy it looked. I just felt so freakin' tired.

I got up to wash the dishes, and my dad went back to our house with the left over food.

About one minute later, he came back, saying, "May sunog sa 'tin?"

I froze. "Huh?"

My first thought was that our house, #40 Golden St., was on fire. But since my dad was still somewhat calm, I ruled out that possibility.

"May nasusunog sa 'tin," he repeated as he led us (my mom and I) outside, and pointed just above the roof of #29. To my horror, I saw a red glow, bright against the darkness of the night, right under a billowing pillar of gray smoke.

The good thing was: if it was our house that was on fire, I would've seen flames instead of a glow.
The bad thing was: the glow meant nothing else but a house on fire. And since it was a BIG red glow, that meant it was close.

My mind shut down, and at the same time, it went into overdrive.

How to help my neighbors? What to do? Has someone called the fire department? Should I get pails of water? How near is the fire from our house? Who's going to splash the pail of water the fire? Should I get stuff out of our house? What stuff should I get first?

When I regained my control over my muscles, I ran for the bathroom and turned on the faucet to gather water. As my mom tried to move our refrigirator, I went to her office at the end of the hall. That room was just one firewall away from the burning house.

I disconnected the two computers, taking great care in running to and from our house (#40) with the parts. I vaguely heard hurried footsteps on the roof right above my head. People were trying to put water on the fire from our roof. Somewhere in between, I cleared the way for my Kuya JB and my dad, who were trying to move the speakers. After that, they went to help people put water on the fire.

Also somewhere in between, I yelled at and almost kicked at my dog, who was pretty much confused with the chaos, for standing in my way.

In the background, I heard the sirens.

FINALLY.

This was the first time I've seen eight fire trucks up close and personal.

After a while, my dad made me go back to #40 and keep watch. We were able to get the two Behringer speakers, two computer sets, one mixer, one refrigirator, one microwave oven out of the house.

I couldn't find my dog anywhere for about five full minutes. But I eventually found him under the dining table, and he won't come near me. Argh. Poor Coffee. So I crawled under the table and hugged him, trying to calm him (and myself) down.

After a few minutes that seemed to be an eternity, my brother came back into the house and told me that the fire was under control. Thank God. It didn't reach #29.

Deciding that distraction was the best therapy, I went to wash the dishes that my dad was able to bring home before the fire.

Yeah. I like washing dishes.

After that, I went to sit at the foot of the stairs, the contents of this blog entry already coming to mind. Coffee went to sit beside me. The fire trucks left a while later, and the subdivision was quiet again. It turned out that the source of the fire was a cassette player left turned on. The effects of adrenalin ebbed away, and I found myself (and everyone else) throughly exhausted.

I turned on the PC and started writing.

What a day.

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Yes, we actually took pictures once we were sure we were safe.

Standing at #40's gate. That's #29 right there. The house with the white lights.


Hello, Mr Firefighterman!

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If you're wondering about the title, my first post with the title Alab is here.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Run

It was the most hilarious attempt to run away. Ever.

Hm.

But now that I look back, my other attempt to run away was funny, too.

Oh yeah. This is one of the things that most people don't know about me, so read on as if you're excited that I'm writing about this.

Yes, people, I had tried to run away. There were a LOT of times that I thought of running away (most of them when I was still a little kid in elementary school), but I didn't always really try. I mean, I was still a kid. My motive for running away then wasn't really running away for the sake of doing it. All I wanted was for everyone to miss me. Ha. The shallowness of me.

The first time that I actually did try was in high school. Unlike all my other plans, this one wasn't planned. At all. I was supposed to go to Beth's house... for... something. I can't remember what. Anyway, right before I left, Mom and I had another one of those fights that I can't remember what about, but I'm sure it was over something shallow. Those were the days that we weren't going to church, our relationship with Christ is practically non-existent (from our end of the line, of course), and everything was just wrong every single freakin' day.

Anyway, we got into a fight, and after my mom walks out on me and locks herself in her room, I went to my room, packed an overnight bag and left. I didn't even bring a lot of clothes because I didn't want to look obvious, just in case my mom comes out of her room right before I went out the door. When I got to Beth's, it was a while before I admitted to her that I didn't plan on going home that evening. I think she tried to gently talk me out of it, but I can't remember anymore.

If you haven't noticed yet, I can't remember the details very well. So... fast forward to a few hours later. What happened was my mom paged me — yes, it was the pager days...I don't think there were cell phones yet — and after thinking about it, I called home, and my parents ended up picking me up at Beth's house.

Yes, they picked me up.

I don't know about you, but I think it was incredibly funny. I mean, I could've gone home by myself. But noooo~. My parents picked me up. Ahahaha... Needless to say, my mom and I talked, admitted our mistakes, listened to each other, and then we were fine.

But of course, even though my mom and I are close, fights are unavoidable.

So, two days ago, my mom and I had another fight, but it actually started with her just talking to me. What she said stung (in a nice way). While I was pondering over what she said, I started to be frustrated with myself (I won't go into the details why), and I found that I couldn't speak. Why? Because I was sure that if I opened my mouth, my voice would fail me. So my mom, who hates it when people don't talk to her, gets frustrated, and thinks that I'm not responding because I wasn't listening. After another half hour or so, she finally goes to her room, and I — yep, you guessed it — cried my eyes out. Actually, no, scratch that. I cried my lungs out. Yeah, I had a hard time breathing. I think it's been quite a while since that last happened. Usually when I cry I don't sob as hard, but... there it was.

By the time I calmed down, clutching my ever-lovable meggie pillow, it was two o'clock in the morning. And then, I suddenly felt scared of the morning. I couldn't bear not being OK with my mom, so I didn't know how to face her in the morning. Sure, I could talk to her, but if she's not over what happened, then... well... it's just scary.

So what do I do? Clever little me decided to leave for a few days. I packed my bag pretty heavily this time. And since I had just come home from sleeping over at Sara's, my overnight stuff were still kept together. I decided to leave after a few hours, when the sun is starting to rise. And, let me tell you: I was determined. As opposed to my impulsive first attempt to run, this one was thought out. I considered the consequences. I weighed the pros and cons. I even wrote a note saying that I'm staying over at Sara's to clear my head, please don't call or ask me to come home, I will come home after a few days so don't worry, blah blah blah. And then, I sat on my bed and wait for the sun to rise.

And, what do you know?

I fell asleep.

That, my dear friends, is your cue to laugh at me.

Yes, I actually fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was 9 am, and my mom was the one who woke me. And she apologized. Oh my gosh. What a wake-up call that was. I just stared at her while several hundred thoughts ran through my mind.

What time was it? Is that light out? Oh my gosh, I fell asleep?! Geez, it was real stupid not to set my phone's alarm. Why isn't mom angry at me? Why am I even wondering about that? What if she saw my packed bag? Oh, man. My bag is huge, now that I look at it. What day is it? Argh, my eyes must be all poofy. Who on earth is that out of tune lark singing 'Bongga Ka 'Day" outside my window?!

Needless to say, my mom and I are OK now. And we laughed together at my attempt to run away again, though I think she laughed harder.

I guess I always knew that I couldn't run away. Not really. I love my family too much to run away from them. When I do leave home, which I inevitably will, I don't think I'll be leaving with angry thoughts.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

WTDWAWUOMYFBOAMDI

I actually wrote this thing a few days (or was it weeks?) ago. My mood right now is NOT what my mood was when I wrote this, but I was thinking I'd post it just for the record.

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What To Do When A Woman Unearths Or Magnifies Your Faults Because Of A Man's Deliberate Insensitivity

Shut the door, baby, don't say a word.

Or, you may also:
- lock yourself in the bathroom and take a LONG bath.
- go to class and fling yourself into the subject matter. You may not be able to study once you go home. IF you go home.
- go visit a friend just to see a friendly face.
- go visit a friend so you can bawl your eyes out.
- go online and surf without a real goal in mind.
- go online and blog.
- draw.
- write.
- cut your hair. SHORT.
- play minesweeper, or some other useless computer game.
- talk with your imaginary friend.
- chat in IRC just so you can put your mind onto other things. like...uselessness.
- sleep (WARNING: not advisable as you may be prone to nightmares).
- slowly rip a piece (or pieces) of paper into millions of tiny pieces.
- make a million folded paper stars.
- string the paper stars to make a curtain.
- create a list of what to do when a woman unearths or magnifies your faults because of a man's deliberate insensitivity.

But whatever your choice may be, be sure to pray first so that He will give you your peace. You may noty be at peace with her at the moment, but you'll be at peace with the Maker, and that's what's important.


Warning: None of the options listed above is the answer to your problem. Handle with care.
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

not deaf

I have a naturally loud voice.

Not market-woman type of loudness, thank God, but... loud. Y'know what I mean.

My mom had a cough two weeks ago. Today, her voice is still hoarse. Nya. We went to a doctor for a check-up yesterday, and you know what he said? He said that my mom should have voice rest for two weeks. I go, "Oh, OK... Less talking, then, Ma." But he shakes his head, saying, "No. Not just less talking. NO talking. At all."

"But---"

"No talking, no singing, no whispering, no humming... No nothing. Nothing will go through your throat except food, water and air. No sound for two weeks."

MAN. Can you do that? I know I can't.

So we buy the prescribed antibiotics, go home, and eat dinner. All the while, my mom does NOT speak. We have to lip-read and play charades with her all day. It isn't frustrating or anything... It's actually funny. And it made me appreciate my voice...

Not that I don't appreciate it already.

But you know what's funnier than playing an all-day charade with your mom? It's seeing other people's responses to her 'condition'. Some people use gestures while they talk (when they normally don't), some people speak loudly, some whisper to her, some don't even produce sound when they speak because my mom doesn't! My mom says she wants to wear s huge sign saying, "I'm mute, not deaf."

I guess it's sorta like, when you're with someone who speaks broken English, and, even if you speak fluently, you find yourself speaking in a broken manner, as well. But I guess it's no biggie since you understand each other, and that's what matters.

Ah, yes. Communication. Very important.

----

I've moved back into my room.

Finally.

OK, so I've been here since Saturday, but I've been evacuated to the living room downstairs. See, my brother had the mumps for a week, and he's been quarantined in my room while I was gone. Of course, we can't move him just because I arrived, right? Poor guy... And he had so much to do this week. For further reading, go to his blog. Aaaaanyways, he's better now, he's back in his room, and he's being the annoying-to-the-point-of-being-amusing older brother that he is.

I've never had the mumps, by the way. All the more reason why I had to stay away from him for several days.

Oooh, ooh! Go to my brother's gigs!
Common Ground plays every friday at The Barn Bistro at Katipunan Ave. across Miriam.
Major 7th is playing for an event (I'm not sure if this is open to all, though) at Discovery Suites on April 23.
Common Ground and a few other people (with Major 7th vocalist Chique Arcilla) will be featured on a concert named Seasons. It'll be on April 30 at Royal Midway Plaza, Tandang Sora.

And, no. I am not getting paid to do this :)
----

Hmm... what else? Uh, yeah. I'm on vacation right now. But it ends on thursday. *sigh* Summer classes. I HOPE I get summer classes. Much as I love UP Los Baños, I do NOT want to have to stay there. For vacations, maybe, but not as a student. Uh-uh. I wanna get this over with and move on.

Most working people I know tell me, "Don't rush it! Enjoy your being a student!"
Right. I've enjoyed it, thank you very much.
"You'll miss being a student when you're working already."
Yeah, well, I gotta stop being a student eventually, I might as well start when I'm supposed to.

Any other words of wisdom to try to convince me to stay being a student? Email me, and I'll try to refute it ^___^

Uh...yeah.

Lat thought: I didn't mention my grade in CMSC 142, did I? Of course it's less than 55.0, since that's the passing grade, and I failed. Y'know what it is? Two measly points below the passing mark.

And, before you start to think I'm ranting again, let me just say that I'm not. ^___^

That's all for tonight, folks, thanks for readin'.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

tonight, i frown

Not that I chose to.

When I'm on either end of the emotional spectrum, I go online. That, or I listen to mp3s with the volume blaring in my ears. OK, so I do that practically all the time, anyways, but that's not the point. The point is this: tonight I am NOT the usual ever-happy, eternally-smiling, genki-genki, hyper Sarah. No.

I can't freaking smile. Believe me, I tried. I can't even smile a fake one. Drat. The reasons for this being:
a) My mom and I got into a fight over something unbelievably shallow. Hm. Nah, I take that back. We didn't get into a fight. She gunned me down while I decided not to speak. I'm not angry at her. Honest. I'm angry at the fact that people get unstable as they grow old. Stupid hormones. The only thing good that came out of this is I got to draw something.
b) I'm not going to graduate this April. After much anticipation and people's praises that I did good, I am not going to march down the aisle to the tune of the Graduation March. And, after getting depressed for two weeks, I actually felt fine about it when I realized that my world shouldn't revolve around the fact that I should graduate on time. It was just my pride, I guess. So I'm fine with it, right? Yeah. For three freaking days. But, in contrast to the other week, I'm not depressed. I'm just saddened. This time, it's not because I'm not going to graduate, but for a different reason. One that I will not disclose in this blog.
c) ... I don't have a third reason.

So... if you notice, the main thing that brought about the selective gravity pulling the corners down to the center of the earth is my 'fight' with my mom. It's so frustrating. I mean, I hadn't cried over anything alone in a long, long time -- mostly there's someone else there with me for support, and I end up feeling better -- and, of all the things to cry about, it's something so shallow. ARGH! Maybe it's because we hadn't had a fight in a while. That's why the impact so great. Or maybe it's because she's my mom. Or maybe it's the two put together.

So I go online to channel my energies elsewhere, right? To get rid of negative vibes...

Well, guess what? I've been online for 4 stupid hours, I've listened to hundreds of mp3s already, and I think I'm getting deaf (not that I actually care).

But I'm still horrendously frowning. So there. Sorry for spreading depressing thoughts, but that's that. But, since you're not me, then you don't have the same circumstances as mine.

Smile.